I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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