...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
