it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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