This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
