We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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