If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
