Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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