i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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