Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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