Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
