There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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