How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
