I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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