I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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