Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
