At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
