all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
