No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
