god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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