Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I need a beard to bite.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
