just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
