I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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