And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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