census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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