i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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