So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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