if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we made out on top of his cat.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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