You don't have asthma, your pregnant
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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