We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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