I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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