went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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