So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
