Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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