it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
