The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
