Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
