I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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