Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
