3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
