Someone shit on the floor
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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