im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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