Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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