The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
