I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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