and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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