He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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