Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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