Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
