He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
