I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
