i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Alive.
So much puke
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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