So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Couch. On fire.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
