I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
