I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
