I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize