She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
