p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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