hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
