Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
