just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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