Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
