Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
