I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Iβm literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And Iβm 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They donβt have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize