alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
