I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
