She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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