It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
