I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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