Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize