i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
