no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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