After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
