Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
