You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
