in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
