weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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