I saw his package. It spoke to me.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
