i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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